hands full of water
the waves keep coming in.
i don’t even know how long i’ve been sitting here.
it feels like i just got here.
it also feels like i’ve been here forever.
nothing is really happening.
and somehow, everything is.
i keep looking at the water like i’m waiting for something to change.
but it doesn’t.
it just keeps moving.
and i think that’s what makes it hard to sit with.
because it doesn’t stop for me.
this moment doesn’t slow down just because i’m here noticing it.
it keeps going.
with or without me.
i try to stay in it.
just this.
just the sound of the waves.
just the feeling of being here.
but it slips.
it always slips.
like trying to hold onto water with my hands.
i don’t even fully feel things anymore.
they’re there for a second, then they’re gone.
and i’m left trying to remember what it felt like.
even this.
even now.
i can feel it leaving.
before i can understand it.
before i can hold it.
it’s already turning into something i’ll have to look back on.
and i don’t know why that makes my chest feel so tight.
nothing bad is happening.
nothing good is happening.
it’s just…
passing.
and i’m here.
watching it pass.
-ace